Letting go of embarrassment

I was stressing about my periods and other health concerns...and found an article that may point to what I was going through.

On a whim, and on a desire to connect, I sent the article to a group of my girlfriends on whatsapp. As soon as I hit send, I wanted to delete it. A wave of embarrassment washed over me...

"Was it inappropriate to talk about my period and health issues on a whatsapp chain? No one else had done it on the chain before..maybe this was more of a one on one conversation...crap, im going to reveal my contraceptive choices with this link, maybe they'll think I'm a hypochondriac? Maybe they'll think I'm just vying for attention..maybe they'll think I'm trying for a baby..."

Honestly. if it had been any one of my girlfriends posting on the whatsapp group about this, I would've been fine with it. Firstly, I wouldnt've thought about it too much, or read into it a lot. Secondly, I would've appreciated the outreach and continuation of connection during a lockdown. Thirdly, I don't actually believe that body issues are shameful or that talking about contraceptives or fertility is too revealing.

Why then, do I appreciate and recognise vulnerability as courageous in others but as shameful in myself?

Because on a visceral level, my first reaction to sharing anything personal that reveals I'm not perfect is to cringe. What if I get rejected from the group? What if I become the subject of gossip and slide down the social ladder?

However, once I let the embarrassment wash over me, and through me I realise that I was making too big of a deal of a small thing. In fact, once I get a sense of the bigger picture, I was proud of myself for putting myself out there and connecting with others.

Each time, I put myself out there and feel a wash of embarrassment, I need to remind myself of my core values of acting with compassion and courage.