'Life is unfair' is a victim mentality

There are so many instances in life, where I've been consumed by rage and thought 'Gosh, life is unfair!" or more accurately "F*** Sh**, Why the F** is life so F***** unfair!"

And in those moments I can't see past my anger, I can't conceive how life could be possibly fair. But here's the thing, when you thing life is being unfair to you, or someone you love, or to a group of people you care about/identify with, you're putting yourself in a position of 'victim' and putting Life in a position of the 'perpetrator'.

It feels so powerless to be a victim and powerlessness brings with it, a feeling of despair, hopelessness and an inability to change your circumstances and mindset. It just digs you deeper and deeper into victimhood.

Here are some different mantras or perspectives you may like to use when you feel that Life is Unfair. These are just some of the mantras I have come up with, and reach for when I feel like I'm spiralling into rage and victimhood.

1. Karma - what goes around comes around

This means, somewhere and at sometime bad behaviour towards you, will come back to the person who has wronged you.

If you don't believe this, think about how you've evolved into a better person over the years. How did you learn those hard lessons? Most of the time, it's through repeating bad behaviour until it catches up to you.

For example, selfish people will continue to take and take in the short run because it benefits them. Eventually, though they lose the trust of people around them, they begin to develop a reputation for being untrustworthy. Eventually they will become isolated and lonely. And hopefully, eventually they will begin to self-reflect and change their ways.

In short, if someone has wronged you, trust that it will come back to them.

2. What you put out, sticks to you

This is also an extension of Karma. The subtle difference is that it focuses less on the literal 'revenge' of what goes around, comes around and instead focuses on the perception of the person who has wronged you. The energy you put out, is the energy you embody.

It means, that if you call someone ugly, you'll be perceived as ugly. How? Because the person that calls someone ugly, is a person that judges others critically for how they look. They make everyone else feel self-conscious and judged for their looks. This judgement invites distance and ostracision.

Think about a time, someone complimented you on your ___ (looks, intellect, resourcefulness, family etc). Didn't you feel like returning the compliment? or at least showing your appreciation for that person in another way?

Now think about a time, someone said something nasty to a random colleague in the lunch room. Even if you don't know this colleague well, or don't understand the context of the conversation, it's likely you will make a mental note of the person who said something nasty.

In short, the person/people who wronged you will be perceived harshly by those around you.

3. This is part of the great evolution

But what if something truly, truly horrible happened? And what if no-one knows that it even happened? What if you were truly innocent and vulnerable at the mercy of someone's horrible actions?

At times like these, I try and tell myself that at the cosmic level it all evens out.

What this means is that I let go of understanding how or why anyone could've been so cruel. I simply accept that a horrible thing has happened to me, and that it's not my fault.

Sometimes, I soothe myself with the idea and possiblility that maybe the cruel person became so cruel because they had equally cruel things happen to them.

But mostly, I soothe myself with the idea that over time and space injustices are smoothed out and improved upon. And that things will be better in my children's lifetime, and better still for my grandchildren's lifetime.

For example, women have been persecuted and undervalued for centuries, but now we are seeing more and more women having a voice, pursuing their dreams, breaking barriers around what's possible for them. We have seen a culture shift around talking about sexual assault and consent. We have seen a culture shift around talking about the divide of domestic duties, sexuality, abortion, pay.

Similiarly, we have seen more and more conversations about the persecution of black people, the persecution of the LGBTQ community. We have also as a culture increased our awareness of mental health issues, changed policies around protecting vulnerable children placed in foster care or care within religious institutions.

4. At the cosmic level, it all evens out

But what if something that feels unfair also has dire consequences for your life? for multiple lives? for all of humanity even?

Let's take for example, the issue of climate change. It can feel very unfair that some countries, some generations, some corporations or the wealthy elite have contributed proportionately more to climate change than others. Yet we all suffer.

Well, I soother myself with the idea that at the cosmic level, if humans are unable to get their act together and respect planet earth, then humans will collectively destroy life on earth and annihilate themselves in the process.

Ummm...that's not very reassuring? Hear me out, because, well to me, it is reassuring. I imagine that if humans were to create such drastic imbalance int he weather conditions to wipe out all life on earth - it would be ultimately temporary.

Yes, humans, would get what they deserved and be wiped out. But eventually new life would spring back on Earth, just like it did during the ice ages, the rise of the dinosaurs etc.

To get fully on board with this idea, you'd also have to buy into these two concepts:

- we are more than our human forms, we are spiritual beings that can never be hurt or completely destroyed, and

- to lose the 'heaviness' and 'importance' of our selves. i.e. it matters when we are wronged, but ultimately it doesn't matter that much on the cosmic level.

5. What is the loving lesson to be learnt here?

When someone has wronged us, what can we lovingly learn from this situation?

Your immediate thought may be "The lesson here is live like a hermit and don't trust anyone, ever again."

Firstly, I feel you. But secondly, it won't help you in the long run to let one event, be the reason you shy from trusting others again. You'll keep digging yourself further into that victimhood hole.

A more loving lesson may be to have stronger boundaries, so that in the future if a similiar situation arises, you're able to see the red flags early and remove yourself.

Another loving lesson may be to identify the red flags, you might have missed the first time, so that it doesn't happen again.

Another loving lesson (and this is my favourite) is to learn to trust your intuition, because your intuition taps into the wisest part of yourself that can perceive across time and space. Your intuition already can sense the red flags even if you've never experienced a situation like this before. Your intuition can perceive vibes, beyond the words and actions.

6. How can I transmute my pain into passion?

Acting from a place of pain will give off the energy of victimhood. That's the energy of hopelessness, despair, disconnect.

If you can transmute that pain into passion, you will be acting from the energy of love, optimism, interconnectedness.

So how do we transmute pain into passion? One way is to be of service to others so that other people going through what you have will have support. Another is to work towards preventing the injustices that have happened to you e.g. changing legislation.